Monday, November 16, 2009
Relationships and Trust
In strong relationships, trust is an important element. You need to be able to trust your friend, significant other, husband, or wife. What happens when you have doubts about someone’s faithfulness (let’s think of a significant other) but can’t prove it? Do you give the benefit of the doubt? Or are you automatically suspicious? I want to hear your individual opinions on the matter.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
I believe that when people have doubts about their significant other's faithfulness, they tend to overreact about it at first.
As we all know in movies, when one suspects another of "cheating," most of the time they hold it up inside for a little bit. Later on, if they suspect it even more, they will start to ask questions and be a bit suspicious as to what is going on.
For example, a woman gets home from work and she's making dinner. Her husband calls her and tells her he might be a bit late because of a meeting. The woman thinks "oh okay that's fine, its work." However, as the days pass, her husband starts using the excuse of the meeting over and over again, but when it's not the meeting, it is something else like finishing up some reports or information. After this, the woman starts to think that her husband is doing a little more than just meetings and work, and she starts to question his faithfulness to her. However, she doesn't want to accuse him of something that she's not sure about so she forgets about it.
Then, one day she starts to here the excuses again and again, so she emails his boss and asks him if there are really all these meeting and extra work he's going to and doing, and the boss says he never stays after. Then she starts to get angry and worried and talks to him about it.
This example shows that when people question their significant other's faithfulness, at first they don't want to get too ahead of themselves and they try to drop it. But then as the same things keep happening, they get more suspicious and start to "snoop" and stick their nose is the other person's business. After this, they start to verbally ask questions and maybe even accuse them of cheating.
In relationships, there has to be trust, or the relationship doesn't work. Relying on the other person is what relationships are all about, and if you don't have that, you don't have a relationship. If you suspect someone of doing something, then it depends on two things. The first is what that person's personality and reputation is. The second is what the offence is.
If there was something that was stolen from me, and it looked like my friend did it, then I might not blame her. She is completely trustworthy, and tells the truth. So based on my relationship with her and how she previously acted, I wouldn't blame her, or even think to blame her. However, my assumptions might be different if she had a different personality. If I've seen her steal something before or I've never been able to trust her with secrets, then I might suspect her.
Another factor that contributes to trust and relationships is the situation that you are in. If it is something that is small like a pencil, then I might not make a big deal of it and let it go. However, if it was something like my wallet and money, then I might start suspecting people.
Trust is a very important thing that everyone should have. It makes you more reliable, and people like you better. To not be trusted is to brand yourself forever with that label for life.
When someone has doubts about their signifacnt other's trust,then they should give them the benefit of the doubt at first but if there are still facts leading up to the result, then they should accuse. When people automatically accuse when their suspicions are arroused, they tend to be wrong and end up being embarrased. The person who was accused also is very angry at the accuser. The ideal response is to let it fly at first and then get snoopy if there are many facts that show the person is not being loyal.
An extremely essential element in relationships is trust. Most relationships are based on the fact that the other person is trustworthy. Trust is an important link in friendship, marriage, dating, etc. But, sometimes trust can be overshadowed by doubt. Often, people can be suspicious without any significant evidence. In my opinion, I usually base my doubts on the past of a person.
If one of my friends begins to act suspiciously, I usually base my actions thereafter on their past actions. For example, if they have been life long friend who have never lied to me before, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. There is no legitimate reason why I should be questioning their friendship at this time. They have never been dishonest or unfaithful before, so why question them? To me, there is no need unless there is an apparent reason.
Differently, if this friend has either lied to me previously or I have had a conflict with them in the past, I would most likely further investigate my suspicion. They have proven to me before that they are not 100% trustworthy. So, I do have a reason to follow up on my instinct. To me, it all depends on the previous relationship I have had with this person, whether it be good or bad.
Trust always comes before a relationship. If you do not have trust, you do not have a relationship. If you are questioning something in a relationship such as if they are not keeping a secret, lying to you or cheating on you this may not be a good relationship. If you are accusing someone of this but can't prove it you obviously do not have full trust in this person. Most people automatically think of the worst and get into a fight about it. This may not be the best way to deal with the problem but it is a reaction that comes first most of the time. Sometimes, people try to ignore these problems and forget that it ever happened. This may also be bad because you are holding your feelings inside when you should be able to express them with the other person and tell them how you feel about certain situations.
Sometimes, people use excuses to get out of problems. This may work for a while, but after a while the person you are doing this to is going to start to realize that you are lying. This is a huge problem because it shows that you are not trustworthy when the other person has trusted you all along. If you ever want to gain trust in someone, you can not lie to them even if the truth is not what they want to hear.
If there is someone who you have trusted in the past but they have broken that trust, you probably will not want to trust them again. Trust is a hard but very important element. When trust is broken it is hard to gain again. No one should take trust for granted because once it's gone, you'll regret what you did. Even if you try to trust that person again, it will never be the same.
Trust is important and it is hard to earn. If you have someone in your life that use to be trustworthy, then they were deceitful but you gave them the benefit of the doubt but the deceit became habitual then the benefit of the doubt should not be given. It varies by circumstance and person. Falsely accusing someone can break the bond of trust but if you trust someone that is deceitful it could end badly as well.
Someone trustworthy is hard to come by but trust is essential to all relationships. Without it, the relationship just doesn't work. Trust is not something that is given. It has to be earned and it can also be taken away. The benefit of the doubt should be given in most cases unless the person has proof or the deceitful one is not a "first offender".
Trust is something that is earned throughout a relationship with someone. You usually gain someone's trust by being honest and open with them. When you begin to have doubts about someone's faithfulness but can't prove it you sometimes try to tell yourself that it is all in your head or you try to forget about it. But most of all I think deep down we are hoping that our relationship with our significant other is strong and something like cheating would never happen. At first we give the person the benefit of the doubt but then if it keeps on going on we begin to get suspicious.
If the relationship between someone and their significant other is a strong and open relationship and both people truly love each other than trust isn't an issue. I think cheating mostly happens though when both people aren't fully committed to the relationship or one person isn't as faithful as the other. If I was in the situation I would probably give the person the benefit of the doubt at first depending on how much I trust them.
I agree with shuber that when people suspect their significant others of cheating, they overreact. Although relationships should be based off of trust, it is very common for people to be on the look out for cheating. In movies and books it is usually the man cheating on his significant other, but it can really go both ways. When you have doubts about someone's faithfulness, you are usually automatically suspicious. It takes a very trusting person to never suspect anything, even if something suspicious is going on. In some cases, people may be questioning their partner's faithfulness, but be too scared to confront them about it because they fear it might break them apart or get their partner angry for even bringing it up. I think that if I ever suspected anyone was cheating on me, I wouldn't say anything unless the problem persisted or I had evidence.
In any kind of relationship trust is the key element. If you can't trust someone you don't have a strong relationship with that person. I feel that if a person isn't trustworthy I wouldn't give them the benefit of the doubt unless I trust that person completely. If one of my friends lied to me once and then I would doubt her faithfulness. I would be suspicious because I would be able to imagine my friend betraying me. I think it all depends on how much you trust the person. If you lost someone's trust then you would automatically be suspicious, but if you know you can trust the person with your life then you would give them the benefit if the doubt.
Trust, in every type of relationship, is key for its function. You need to trust whomever it is: mom, dad, brother, friend etc. Sometimes however, people can do things to break your trust, and make it extremely difficult to know when it is okay to forgive them and trust again, or when they’ve broken it too badly to be healed. For me, I would only give people whom have no broken my trust before a benefit of the doubt. If they have already broken my trust, or made my question it, I would be careful about what I trust them with. Trust is such a valuable thing to have questioned. A quote that I love that deals with trust is:
“trust is a fragile thing. once earned,
it affords us tremendous freedom. but once trust is lost,
it can be impossible to recover. of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. Those we're closest can
betray us, and total strangers can come to our rescue.
in the end, most people decide to trust only themselves.
it really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.”- Anonymous
I agree with it in saying that trust is one of the most fragile things we have, and the truth is that you truly don’t ever know who you can trust. You never know if the person you trust the most will betray you, but I also believe that life has many unknowns. So many in fact, that we do get hurt a lot by other people; no matter who you trust there is always going to be a chance of them betraying it. In dealing with trust, you have to just be careful and trust the people closest to you, if someone is making you question their trust, the only way you go on is cautiously, because you never know.
in every relationship there has to be doubts and suspicions. by expressing these suspicions, it shows yu really care about your significant other, husband, or wife. people do this without even realizing it. most of the time though, the significant other is just not willing to share becuase of embarrasment or other reasons. but in every relation shit there had to be doubts, so that it shows your caring.
To be able to make a relationship with somebody work, both people have trust eachother. If there is no trust, each person will always be questioning the others actions and it will lead to constant fighting. Also, if you don't trust a person you never will be able to be truely open and honest with them as you should in a relationship. You should never be automatically suspicious when you are with a person, and you should always give them the benifit of the doubt. When people immediately jump to a conclussion of cheating, the person is usually wrong and the other person will feel hurt that their partner doesn't trust them. You should always open a relationship by giving your partner the benifit of the doubt, or else it will cause alot of problems early in the relationship.
I agree with Sydney in the statement that people tend to over react when it comes to the faithfulness of a significant other. People do not seem to be able to grasp the concept that other people can be malicious towards others by making up rumors.
When someone is questioning the faithfulness of a significant other, he or she should really go to the source and plainly ask the significant other, because people lie and the best way to get a truthful answer is to go to the source.
You have a right to be suspicious if you don't think he or she is being faithful, but unless you have proof, i wouldn't take it to any extreme measures. If it is the first time youv'e become suspicious, give them the benefit of the doubt. If it has happened multiple times, I would confront them about your concerns.
Post a Comment